It’s Gettin’ Close…

It’s that time again.  The time when the air goes cold, large yellow buses terrorize the neighbourhood, and even the trees have the good sense to think, “fuck this shit, I’m going to bed.”

Yes, it’s getting close to fall boys and girls.  A season which would be much more majestic and beautiful had it not been for the horrifying return of our most feared institutions: the school.

So with that in mind, we have to remember to take everything we face with a grain of salt, and a sense of humour.  Today, I present to you probably the most comprehensive guide to surviving a university environment in a vivid, colourful format.  Please take the time to watch it carefully. (WARNING: NSFW, or young ears!)

A Lack Of Posting

Sorry for the lack of posting.

I have a few good reasons for this, and none of which matter a single flying fuck to many; but it’s my blog and I’ll /rage/bitch/rant if I want to.

First of which, I’ve been all over the place in terms of things to do.  Their are many things that take priority over the blog, or heck, I might not even have access to the internet.  That such a terror inducing thing still exists is mind boggling, but somehow I manage.  Or I don’t, seeing as my posting has been the suck as of lately.

Secondly, my computer bugged out and reset completely.  I’ve been reinstalling, reformatting, and re-finding all of the things I had before.  And I lost everything I had on the computer save my purchased iTunes music.  Thank god, because I totally had spent at least $100 on the shiz.  I lost all my videos, dowloads, games, addons, and pictures though.

Pictures.  Like the ones of Lorelai and myself.  Those were good.

I say were, because we are no longer.  That’s the other thing: Lorelai and I broke up.  Mutually, and in a freakishly civil fashion, I might add.  Sure, it started out rough, but we were laughing by the end of it, and it could have been a lot worse.

The fact remains that I spent 3 years of my life living for someone, and now I feel relatively lost.  I feel bored of everything, I feel frustrated, and I feel irritable.  The world outside isn’t something I really want to work with.  Right now, and I’m being frank, I feel like this shit is about as shitty as it gets.

I know it’s not the end of the world, and I have 3/4’s of my life left as of tomorrow (yay, 21 bitches) but… to be fair, she was my first girlfriend, ever.  I have liked girls before, duh, but she was the first I loved.  It’s just a new experience, and a really fucking painful one, ya know?

The worst part of it all is that I still don’t quite feel it.  I mean, I feel like driftwood: I’m just kinda there.

But yeah, there’s the update.  On top of which, there were a few calls in my general direction about jobs, and then nothing.  So, not a good week.


Oh Shit

A well known feeling
Inside your gut
Oh shit

You’re in big trouble
With someone else
Go Help

But breakfast comes first
And homework too
Don’t forget

When all that’s done
You go help
But they’re

So you were helpful
You lazy prick
Sorry guys

World, meet... oh wait, not yet. He's sleeping... I think.

The Reason I Won’t Buy Pokemon Anytime Soon

Those eyes won't get me to play the game, Charmander.

I am a huge pokefan.  I have owned at least one of every generation of the games since Blue version way back when.  I loved the simple, yet powerful gameplay evolve from a simplistic game where I can run through the elite 4 with my blastoise alone to a strategically fun game where different pokemon are absolutely necessary.

However, it’s this exact same change which has gone too far, and has, pretty much, turned me off of Pokemon games forever.

The big change was adding more than enough variables to customize pokemon with, with not enough ways to control them.  Let’s start with natures.

Natures are special traits pokemon have that influence their statistical growth.  This cannot be known until you catch or hatch a pokemon.  You cannot influence or manually choose the nature of a pokemon.  If you have a pokemon that relies on special attacks, and he has a nature that reduces that stat, then you’re out of luck.

Second, Passive Abilities.  These abilities are also random, and most pokemon have a choice of 2 of them: once again, however, this is randomized.  And I don’t know if it’s just my bad luck, but it seems that certain passives are rarer and harder to get than others, once again randomizing your pokemon.

Third, EV’s, or Effort Values.  EV’s are a special point you get for battling your pokemon against other pokemon.  Your opponent will give you a certain number of EV’s, dependant on the pokemon, and these EV’s influence and increase your pokemon’s stat growth.  This level of customization is not visible in any way, and so you have to guess which pokemon give which EV’s, and how many.  You cannot track the progress of these EV’s in game, from what I could tell in Pearl anyway.

Lastly, there are IV’s or… whatever it means, Internal Values, I don’t know! Either way, this is the biggest prick of them all.  It’s untrackable, unchangeable, and impossible to determine without being a large computer.  The IV’s are values that are determined in a pokemon from the moment you own it, and are indescribably annoying for a Min/maxer like myself.  Since you cannot see it, change it, or otherwise know about it at all, it could make all the training in the world useless compared to some guy who simply had better luck with his catch.  It’s indescribably retarded and is hardly strategic.

And that is why I don’t think I will get the new pokemon games: randomization.  When I learned about all this shit in Pearl, I nearly drove myself mad with all the stat boosting and strategy mongering I was trying to do.  Trying to breed the proper Sableye with these moves, the Sceptile with those stats… only to discover that, finally, some pokemon are better than others, and not for any lack of trying.  Yes, it makes your Growlithe and your friend’s Growlithe different, but is it fair? I would argue Not.

Dissatisfied with pokefate,

Phil Hates: Driving

My rule is look see, no touch.

My rule is look see, no touch.

If there is one thing that aggravates me to no end and makes me a nervous wreck more than even leading raids in WoW ever did, it is driving.

Actually, that’s factually inaccurate.  I liked leading raids.  A better comparison would be comparing driving to walking a tightrope where the penalty is falling on a spike bed of uranium tipped needles that, when pressure is applied, will explode with all the force of a small super-nova.

There’s a few problems I have with driving.  First, I would like to point out that it takes a huge investment to even get one.  Once you have one, it takes a huge investment to keep it running.  If anything damages your suicide rust bucket (all for you Kerrsplat) it costs a variable amount of money to keep it running or to fix the aesthetic impurities afflicted on said vehicle.

In other words, it’s expensive to buy, keep, and make pretty.

This leads to the big one: when I’m driving one of these metal boxes of high speed bankrupcy, I have a small problem.  The problem is this: I’m on the &^%$ing LEFT side of the ^%$#ing vehicle.  Not the middle, the LEFT.  It’s like keeping time with your foot loudly, or eating soup with a fork, or shooting yourself in the foot, or yelling ^%$# in a church, or even POSSIBLY, just MAYBE, like riding a bike with the seat 3 feet to the left.

It.  Is.  AWKWARD.

Humans have an interesting personification technique where they tend to associate the equipment they are using with themselves.  When people are riding a bike, and the bike gets a flat tire, people say “I got a flat tire,” rather than “my bike got a flat tire.”  It’s an interesting phenomenon, and I’ve heard it happens with cars too, kind of like being one with your car.

Well, I’d have this happen to me if the right side of my body was 6 times wider than my left side.  It feels like, when I’m driving, that I am the world’s most awkward teen who’s right side grew really fast, but the left side still was 5 years old.  Like a prepubescent Two Face.

Lastly, lets forget the incredibly large amount of rules with really expensive consequences, and the horrible drivers, and the complete and total lack of your guaranteed safety and those of others around you.

The biggest reason I hate driving is how tense I get.

Today, I drove for two hours along a highway, back roads, and a city.  All the different driving environments I could possibly be driving in.

When I got out of the car, my jaw was ACHING from how hard I clenched my jaw.  My knuckles were white.  My hands felt like I had muscle atrophy.  I was light headed from breathing so hard.

I.  LOATHED.  EVERY.  MINUTE OF IT.  I was so tense I could have made a diamond from coal.  I was so wound up I could launch a space shuttle.  I was so ready to spring I could have ambushed Solid Snake.

So yeah, I hate driving.  Suggestions?

Chicken Noodle Soup!.. IN A CUP

How drol! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn yeeeeeesssss....

How droll! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn yeeeeeesssss....

Being sick causes me to become inventive with food sometimes.  This time was no different.

I now drink chicken noodle soup out of a cup.

This was actually a PITA to make properly, even though the instructions were as simple as 1)pour the pouch into boiling water and 2)stir.  They forgot to add that the noodles had to cook in said water if you were doing it this way, so I tried using the microwave the second time.  I put in too much water, and it nearly flooded the microwave.

Well, now I’ve got it down pat! HA!

*slurps chicken noodle soup from a CUP*

It’s my soup in a cup!


10 Awesome Things About Living On Your Own

1.  No need to share the computer.

2.  You set your own bed times.

3.  You can drink the milk from the carton.

4.  Heck, you can eat peanut butter or Nutella out of the jar too!

5.  You eat only what you like.

6.  No one tells you to clean your room.

7.  Speaking of your room, it’s YOURS.  No need to put up with siblings!

8.  You can listen to the same music over and over again without annoying people.

9.  Did I mention I have no concept of redundancy? Yeah, that’s something I can really abuse while people don’t live in the same room.

10.  You are living on your own! Ergo, you rule.

Of course, this is all offset by the dreaded credit card bill.