A Wandering Wolf

A wolf wanders and
tries to play and fight but he
is lost to a pack

The snow blows around
He points his muzzle higher
The cold has no smell

Ashamed, he howls for
help to find his path again
He senses a friend

Ashamed, he holds on
To another’s tail, leading
to the pack again.

Submission follows
The alpha accepts. Disgust
contorts his features.

Another day passed
A wolf wandered alone. He
Wished the shame away.

——–

I seriously cannot wait until I am fully independent of everyone and everything. I am sick of feeling so helpless. Does anyone else feel this way? The easy answer is yes. I’m not exactly a unique snowflake, this feeling is the burgeoning attempt of my own self trying to break away from depending on people, but this “growing pain” is a horrible, sick sensation. 

This year I have tried my hardest to be independent so that others would have an easier time: parents, friends, etc. Unfortunately, everything backfired horribly, just showing how dependent I am, a vicious backfire leaving me covered in emotional shame the same way that one woman caught a watermelon with her visage. 

So when I get like this, it’s best to write! Recording videos is one thing, but true emotional outpouring and honest engagement and expression with people is something best left to writing, not YouTube.

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