5 Reasons Why Looking for Work Sucks

For many students like myself, the eternal struggle with money is a rough one. Some people somehow have 3 jobs and go to school, while still maintaining a decent academic average and a social life. To those people, please, for the love of anything you hold dear, please hand me some of that ambrosia.

For everyone else, there’s the struggle to find the one or two jobs the ambrosia fuelled super-people didn’t get. And that fight is anything but honourable. In fact, it really, really sucks.

1. It takes the same amount of time as an actual job. Seriously. I’ve spent 40 hours a week looking for a job in some way, shape, or form. In that time, I’ve printed enough resumes and cover letters to make Paul Bunyan look like an environmentalist. I’ve made the epic and long puzzle chains in the Zelda series look like a walk to the grocery store, except I keep trading the same shit to different people and they keep giving me nothing for it. What’s up with that?

I understand this man’s rage on a primal level.

2. They don’t want you. How many times has someone told me that “we’re not hiring right now, but we’ll put you on file”? If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told that, I wouldn’t need a job. Besides, we know what put on file really means, pal. I’ve seen that same treatment for old Yeller. “You’re a good dog, but the position has been filled.”

Not only can he be a dog, but he can be a horse too! Two for one!

Shoot me.

3. You feel like crap. It’s one thing to be told once or twice that you aren’t needed or hiring material. It’s another thing when the entire district seems to do it. It’s hard not to take it personally: I’m being told that I’m not needed or wanted at least 10 times a day, or I’m put through so many bureaucratic hoops that, had it not been done online, I would look like this.

… Okay, maybe not; but I digress.

4. Your friends with jobs. Oh, do you have a job yet? No? Oh that sucks. Meanwhile, I’ll just spend the next thirty to forty minutes to tell you about how much my job sucks and how I wish I didn’t have it, except I really need the money. Really badly. Otherwise, you know, I’d give it to you!

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

5. Your parents. No guys, I’m definitely not looking for work. These resumes? It’s a hobby. The nice pants I got just in case I get an interview? Luxury. The fancy see through binder that everyone thinks looks professional? Vanity. The long walks I do during the middle of the day for about three to four hours? Blasphemy!

So yeah, seriously, I’m not looking for work at all guys. I’m just doing all that shit so I can tell my friends how jobless I am. It really makes my day.


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