Why I Am A Canadian Lumberjack Firefighter

I, Phil, have become a Canadian Lumberjack Firefighter.

My dad earlier today decided he wanted to light something on fire.  okay, why not: fire is fun to watch.  So, he decided to light the lawn outside of the farmhouse on fire.

The lawn, was blazing.

So for the next 15 minutes, under the pretext that he was teaching us about how dangerous fire could be, my brother Julian and I tried to keep the fires from burning up trees and too much of the lawn.  With a shovel and a rake.  Yeah, we kept that fire in line, running through smoke to rake around the trees to expose the moist dirt instead of the dry grass.  Smashing flames with the shovel to put out unruly fires.  We truly were firemen!

Later, we stacked a lot of firewood.  That means we’re lumberjacks too, right?

I have no idea really, but I thought the idea of a lumberjack fireman was so awesome, it had to be me.

And Julian.  He’s pretty chill.  He can be a Lumberjack Fireman.

Either way, what does a Lumberjack fireman look like? Well, imagine a lumberjack.  Except his plaid jacket is a plaid fireproof coat.  His axe is now a robotic chainsaw attached to a water hose, and his voice is louder than a bomb in a nitroglycerin plant.  He has a fireproof tuque, and and a beard so thick, it makes the Dark Forest light.  He would be manlier than (dare I say it?)… CHUCK NORRIS.

Hopefully, I’ll live through the night under the assault of Chuck Norris and the Lumberjack Firefighter.  Why I will win?

I’m a CANADIAN Lumberjack Firefighter.  I have an epic level pet beaver with Bite.  I totally win.

Had a good day, is no longer making sense,



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