Where Old Women Bothered Me

Proudly a part of Hell's Grannies

There are a few things I’ve really disliked about my bus ride earlier on Sunday.  Between a broken engine and being delayed for 2 hours, it wasn’t stellar; however, the award for biggest shit fest goes to the two women on the bus.

I leave my house at around 1 pm so I can get in line for the bus early and skip the line, thereby guaranteeing me a spot on the bus.  This is usually a good move, considering there are a lot of stops between where I go to school and where I live.

I get in line, and the first thing that happens is an elderly woman walks up to me and asks; “is this the line for ____?”  To which I said yes.  She then cuts in front of me, asks if it’s okay, and then looks forward and begins ignoring me before I can answer.

To the old woman who did this to me: you are a jerk.  Also? When she asked one of the ground crew a question, and he replied, “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t know,” she took offense to this.  She actually said, “Well, sooo-ooorry.”

Woman, get off the bus.

So I get a seat on the bus, confident that it will be short, sweet, and without hassle.  I begin listening to my music, and off we went.

As soon as we hit the high way, I notice that a different elderly woman was in front of me, and was about to have a nap.  I was then suddenly aware of how crunched my legs were as she leaned back as far as she possibly could, and then fell asleep like a godamned narcoleptic.

Woman, here’s a free lesson in manners, though you shouldn’t need ’cause you’re eighty.  I don’t care what George Carlin said on the matter, the elderly cannot do whatever they please.  This includes crunching the knees of a fairly tall, long legged 20 year old without his permission.  This includes ignoring the very audible “Ow, ^$#@” he said as a direct result of the crunching.  I could understand if you were the most stupid %$#@ing person on the planet, but how on earth could you not feel my knees digging into your seat, or hear me swearing, or let alone consider the fact the bus was full and there was a really unfortunate mother%$#@er behind you?!

Bitch, get off the bus, and learn to consider others.  I know you’re elderly, but you had a window seat and like, 6 pillows.  You honestly couldn’t have brought your chair up a bit to compensate for my legature?

Why don’t you both take your sense of accomplishment and entitlement, and shove it up your pruney posteriors.  I’ve never ever met people in real life who really correspond to this, but…

You’re both real life trolls.  Like the ones at the border? Except worse.  So go back to your cave.

Where it’s safe from me.




  1. Wow man. That is rather absurd. Been there too. Good job not making a scene tho. Bus drivers hate those folks. Specially when nothing can be done.


  2. Phil, you need to be more assertive.

    Instead of just taking the pain, you PUNCH THEM IN THE FRICKIN’ FACE!

    What doesn’t kill them teaches them a lesson, as the saying goes.


      1. So you keep punching her until you:

        A) “He punched out ALL my blood!!!!!”
        B) Same as above, but with an evil grin across your face.
        C) She will have to make an exception to that rule.


  3. You’re tall so their reclined head is practically level with your chest. So. Sneeze on them.

    You don’t really have to actually sneeze.

    Just go Aah. Aah. Aah-chfoophphph, with the chfoophphph being a wet raspberry that sprays their head with a fine mist of saliva. You’ve heard of C64 and DS emulators? This would be a sneeze emulator.

    If they don’t leave that seat they’ll at least move it back up to the upright position. And if they do get up & leave, after your sneeze trick nobody else will want to sit there. You can’t lose!


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