Composing Rage: The Musical

Before I really begin, I’d like to tell a small story.

One night in September, when I was visiting home, I was walking home at around 4:00 am with a buddy of mine after having played video games at another friend’s house for well over 4 hours.  We get to discussing Music as a discipline and a program, and my friend says something to the bastardized, paraphrased tune of “Music is one of those things I can’t respect the same way I respect lawyers et al. because Music kinda happens and other things need a ton of math, time, degrees and stuff to get to where they are.”

The next time I hear that bastardized, paraphrased tune, I will shove my roughly size 13 boot up their ass.

That would also happen to be the opening scene of RAGE: the musical.  Someone would walk on stage, and say “Music is srz bzns, lolololol.”  Then I would march from stage right, swing my right foot back dramatically, and then shove a steel toed boot up his behind, causing a very satisfying yelp to emanate from his now desecrated corpse.

I don’t know why, but at the same time that playing music makes me the happiest person on the planet, it’s also what causes me to be at my most angry.  Obviously when I am playing well I’m happy and when I’m not I’m angry, but it’s a really, really big difference in mood.  One minute I’m dancing to the music, the next I am literally jump kicking walls.  It almost makes me wonder if I’d be better off majoring in something else, but then I realize what an untalented douchebag I am and I keep on trucking.

In all seriousness, I don’t think I want to change what I’m studying.  The only course I could think of that’d be more fun than this is Game design, and I don’t meant that shit involving the computers and all: I’m talking cards and boardgames.  Is there such a course? Actually, there is: but it’s in Oxford, and probably requires more than a talent for basic theory crafting and probability calculating.  Which, by comparison to other people who build games, is like saying I want to run a circus with a small house cat and a bag full of peanuts so I can lure in a technicolour pachyderm from someone’s delusional, drunken world.

So for now, I have act 1 of my musical pretty much written in stone, featuring the main song of the entire piece: the surprised, never-ending screams of a person who has a boot suddenly shoved up his ass, mingled with the rage of the man with a boot.  What’s next?

Act 2: The Man With A Boot performs a solo concert, only to have his fingers fail to move fast enough, causing him to jump kick his instrument into the audience, causing even the likes of Chuck Norris and Chuck Barry to go wide eyed and go “What the %$#@ is wrong with that kid?!”

Call me uncreative, but they should get a boot up their ass too.



One comment

  1. Phil, being a musician wanting to rage, I’m thinking you could use some pointers from a fellow musician. I assume you’re familiar with Rob Paravonian’s rant on Pachelbel, but if not, you might want to check it out:


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