A Funny Magic Story

*fwoosh*

Klinderas had been walking along the same path for days now, completely unsure of where he was.  Every time he traveled to different dimensions he came across the same damn problem of this foggy, cold, and unending road he had decided to call “Fate’s Road.”

Suddenly, the world changed around him.  A new dimension for him to explore! Klinderas grinned, happy with the prospect of something new.

Surrounding him seemed to be a large, thick forest, with trees each so large that an elf could have made several homes among the tree’s branches.  The ground was covered in a thick blanket of moss and rich dirt, so rich that Klinderas had never seen earth that healthy before.

In the distance, he could see the beginning of the forest, and what seemed to be golden plains that rolled on forever.  Klinderas smiled at the prospect of new lands to explore, lands that seemed so much like the ones he grew up with on Azeroth.

After five minutes of walking, Klinderas reached the plains, only to be stopped abruptly by a sight he had never seen before; two men, simply standing and facing one another.  The first man was short, but stout, and wore great armor plates that covered everything but his head, causing Klinderas to think he was a paladin.  His short black hair waved in the breeze rolling around the plains, and on his face was a stoic, possibly silly grin.

The second man was taller, and seemed feral by comparison.  His long, green coat was frayed and torn in many places, his brown hair had gone completely wild, and he wore a goatee.  What really made Klinderas’ skin crawl was his eyes: they had the look of a feral werewolf, or a large predator.

Both men stood facing one another, not moving.  Klinderas waited with baited breath to see what would happen, as neither man had made a move yet.  At long last, the paladin spoke to the feral one.

“So dude? You ready?”

The feral one pondered for a minute before responding.

“Yeah, let’s do this.”

Both men then pulled a massive grimoire from behind them, energy sparking at the touch of their fingers.  The air took on the smell of ozone as both men held their books in front of them.  Energy began to flow from their books into themselves, causing both of them to gain a Green and White glow.  Then both of them looked at one another, and thrust forward their finger as if to conjure a most powerful spell.

Fwoot.

“Uh oh.” Went the feral one.

“Uh oh.” Went the Paladin.

Both looked up at one another.

“So yeah,” began the feral one, “same problem, Dan?”

“Yeah more or less, Phil.  Huh.”

Dan and Phil locked eyes for what seemed a minute.  All of a sudden both men scrambled through their grimoires for… something.  Whether it was an incantation or not, Klinderas could not tell; but both of them chanted the same words over and over again.

“ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit…”

“crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap…”

Klinderas simply stared in awe.  What a waste of time.

And for what seemed five minutes, both men continued their frantic pace.

Well, to hell with that, thought Klinderas.  I’m outta here.

About half a league away, Klinderas simply shook his head; Had either man been on Azeroth, both would be dead in a minute.

All of a sudden, Klinderas heard a giant ‘whump,’ and the Phil person exclaiming:

“GO, MAN-BULL-MONKEY! IT’S HAMMER TIME!”

Klinderas really, really didn’t want to know.
Rakeclaw Gargantuan

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6 comments

  1. Hey Phil,

    On the topic of Magic, can you take a look at my black deck and let me know what you think?

    Creatures
    4x Child of Night
    4x Vampire Nocturnus
    4x Guul Draz Vampire
    2x Malakir Bloodwitch
    4x Vampire Hexmage
    4x Vampire Nighthawk
    4x Gatekeeper of Malakir

    Land
    18x Swamp
    4x Terramorphic Expanse

    Spells
    4x Doom Blade
    1x Blood Tribute
    3x Diabolic Tutor
    4x Feast of Blood

    If you don’t really know, all cool but I still got to buy it all and don’t want to miss something out 🙂

    Like

    1. I have to say that there is a great deal of good coming from here! I would be a happy camper if I could play with something like this.

      The first thing that comes to mind, however, are your lands. Terramorphic expanse is a good card, no doubt: having 4 is kinda silly in a deck based on speed. There have been a lot of times, even playing with only 3, that I get a terramorphic expanse when I really wanted a land. The other thing is that those expanses really shine in a multicoloured deck, which yours is not. I’d consider dropping 2 of the expanses for swamps.

      The rest of it is fantastic, and I especially enjoy the amount of creature control you would have at your disposal! You would have to play your creature killing abilities almost like a control deck rather than the aggro deck that your vampires want to be, which is fantastic anyway. Creature removal allows for your creatures to run rampant! I especially giggled when I read what Vampire hexmage could do… because it can get rid of ANY counters, you could kill a planeswalker whenever you pleased with it. Fun times 😀

      Speaking of planeswalkers, a potentially fun idea would be to find the room to play a Sorin Markov somewhere in there. His ability to damage creatures OR players for 2 and for you to gain 2 life is valuable, and causing your opponents life total to become 10 gives you a boost if you aren’t at that point in the game yet. Lastly, controlling your opponent’s turn is NOT something to be scoffed at. If you played in Mirrodin, Mindslaver is a card that comes readily to mind, with chills. LOTS OF CHILLS.

      The possibilities are endless: if they’re playing a burn deck, you could force him/her to burn himself to death. If you’re facing a control deck, you could cause him/her to waste his control spells on himself. If you’re facing a creature deck, I’m sure that they have something interesting you could do.

      That’s just my point of view though: I would not want to have to face your deck, as I think it has tournament capability and NONE of mine do outside a casual multiplayer setting.

      Like

  2. Thanks Phil,

    Thats a really good rundown 🙂

    I can see what your saying with the Expanses. I also have 2 of the fetch lands from Zendi that I got in a booster last week, so they can be played as a swamp for 1 life and also lower the amount of swamps that come to the top in long games where I don’t need em. I guess the terromorphic’s were my cheap way of doing that. I’ll probably just go all swamps after testing but I thought I’d try them out.

    In regards to Sorin, I looked at him but he costs 6 to play. I think thats going past my win conditions by the time I get to the 8-10th round and can actually play him.

    If you have time, could you post your deck so i can take a gander?

    Like

    1. You know what TJ? I’ll make a post about them soon.

      Also, I like how you’re thinking about Sorin: that’s a great idea to keep him out, and I suggest you give it a shot.

      Lastly, It’s not the expanses are BAD! They DO rip lands out of your deck without a life cost, which is nice(not that you care since you have lifesteal built in the deck!): the problem is that they can’t be used the turn they’re played, and you can end up a turn behind your opponent if you’re unlucky with them. The trick is in having only 2 so when you do get the second one, it’s too late to matter.

      Like

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