I Am A Wizard



I am a wizard.

Not like the smart guy type, but the kind that mind controls people and throws fireballs and stuff.

Why would I say that? A picture says a thousand words.

Photo 44

This is totally going on LolCats

For those of you not running away in fear, you might be asking: why the %#$@ am I wearing a tuque and a pair of gloves in 23.8 degrees Celcius weather? Well duh, the hat adds +2 intelligence and the gloves +3 intelligence.  I min-max my stats, hur.

But yeah, musicians? Were wizards.  Why? For one, our music or “spells” are kept in volumes, books, tomes, and codexes and only those educated in our art can actually read them.  Want to try? Here, give this a shot.

An excerpt of Yann Tiersen's La Dispute.

An excerpt of Yann Tiersen's La Dispute.

Second, we have many strange tools and artifacts that help us produce more powerful “spells” and more accurate spells than we alone could do.

Third, we have an attire we need to wear in order to perform our art in front of people, one that no one else in their right and sane mind would want to wear on a daily basis due to bodily discomfort.

Fourth, we have one of these.

Photo 45This is a conducter’s baton.  What else does it look like?

Why, yes! It looks like a wand.  The difference being that one is magical and the other is not; or so you’d think! With one of these babies, I can mind control well over 30 people at once to do my bidding, and to play music that makes grown men cry.

Speaking of which, we musicians can control your feelings to an extent.  Have you noticed how some music keeps you bouncy on a rainy day and other music depresses you on a level you can’t imagine? Yeah, that’s the power we have.  You listen to music that drives when you work out, mellow music to relax, and fast paced angry music when you’re steamed in an effort to properly express your anger.

Musicians are not to be messed with.  We are the closest that Real Life has to actual Wizards.

Now where did I put my firebal spell…



  1. I totally started playing DDO last night and made a bard, she has a wand! (I know that’s old D&D rules though, so maybe they can’t in the new edition?)

    I find it funny how some people find bards silly, going into a dungeon and playing music. But the effects music can stir in people are the closest to magic available to us (maybe apart from chemistry, but since that’s completely explainable probably not).

    I’m thinking how the music in horror movies can make you scared by reaching a dramatic crescendo (think that’s the word) even when the monster isn’t there! There’s totally a couple of songs that make me cry. Oh and imagine Star Wars without the orchestra backing, it’d just be people overacting with bad special effects then.

    Music breaths life into things, its really quite remarkable.


    1. Music breaths life into things, its really quite remarkable.

      Does that make me a druid?

      But in all seriousness, you’re absolutely right. Could imagine your favourite movies, games, your walk to work, anything without music? Life becomes grey, at least to me.


      1. I was wondering who’d notice that…

        Should have known it’d be you!


        Also, swish and flick? Screw that, I Fwip and Stick. With a sword.


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