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Jesse Jackson named prince of African tribe
By Our Foreign Staff
Last Updated: 7:11PM BST 13/08/2009

Jesse Jackson has inherited the title of prince of the Ivory Coast kingdom of Sanwi from the late Michael Jackson.

Jesse Jackson has inherited the title of prince of the Ivory Coast kingdom of Sanwi from the late Michael Jackson.
REUTERS
Reverend Jesse Jackson from the US is symbolically crowned Prince Nana at Krindjabo, a village in southern Ivory Coast

The American pastor and onetime presidential candidate was honoured at a ceremony with Amon N’Douffou V, king of the Agni people of the Krindjabo kingdom.

The crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women.

The king rules over a million members of his tribe, which venerates Michael Jackson after making him their prince after he visited the kingdom in 1992.

Villagers deep in the rainforest launched a search for a successor to the singer who was crowned prince of the Agni people 17 years ago.

The tribe held an extravagent two-day royal funeral for Michael Jackson. Traditional dancers and lookalikes of the dead singer paraded before the king and 2,000 mourners.

Tribal chiefs appealed to the US embassy to press Jackson’s family to bring his body to the west African country for a burial in accordance with the local tradition of the Sanwi kingdom.

Jesse Jackson was on a three-day visit to the Ivory Coast, invited by the association of “Young Patriots”, who are supporters of President Laurent Gbagbo.

He found himself feted by the tribe and has now inherited the the title of prince – or son – of the Agni from the late star, who was not a relation.

Krindjabo lies deep in the tropical rainforest in the southeast of Ivory Coast. Most people survive by subsistence farming or hand-panning for gold.

The crowning ceremony attended by bare-chested women.

Who knew that Michael Jackson was a prince?! Anyone? Bueler?

The crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women.

Since Michael Jackson is dead though, his princely crown is left unworn.  Who shall wear it? Who?

Hey! That guy just came off the plane! His last name is Jackson.  It’s a sign, people, as if someone wrote in Neon lights “this guy is prince material, like the last one.  Just without the freaky doll face and he looks more like a human instead of a freaky fish guy.”

The crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women.

So they decided to crown Jesse Jackson…

… who’s not related so you have to wonder; what’s the screening process? Is he male? Check.  Does he like tuna fish? Check.  Is he visiting? Check.  He’s hired! Hell, I could be a prince under those standards! Isn’t this type of thing supposed to actually matter?

The crowning cere… aw hell, all together now.

The crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women.

The reporter was obviously a 35 year old male who never has seen a National Geographic or watched the Discovery channel, let alone a woman in clothing.  Either that or he’s a sexist prick: imagine this guy sitting at his desk saying with his heavy English accent “Oh my GOD, women were able to attend a crowning ceremony.  What’s more, they were bare-chested(boobies!).  This is a matter of the utmost importance! Mi6 better send in James godamn BOND to get this cock up dealt with, or we’re in Barney Rubble.  And boobies.”

This guy probably has more in common with a 6th grader than an actual reporter; and did anyone else get the feeling that this guy was obviously scraping for story at the last second? It’s like I took a bad fantasy story, ate it, then shat it out on a newspaper.  How the hell does someone write like this for a professional news source in Britain?

Is Britain really that boring? I wouldn’t know, nor do I want to.  If you guys have nothing better to read, then you really need to get out more.  Or at least subscribe to the National Geographic.

The crowning cerem-

*smack*

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

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8 comments

  1. Notice the Tag Line reports this as being written “by our Foreign Staff”, as if they don’t want to give the immature hack any credit for his “OMG! BOOBIES!” spiel. I feel the writer really missed the opportunity to throw in some basic ASCII art though. I mean really, if you’re going to constantly repeat the line: “The crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women.” at least follow it up with (o)(o) BOOBIES!!!

    Reminds me of the Facebook profile photos I see of half-naked, bikini-clad girls (I play Mafia Wars, so I have A LOT of FB ‘friends’) which inevitably garner a ton of “OMG! U R soooo beautiful!” “Sooo sexy!” “Sooo hot!” comments. Is this what our planet is descending into? There’s a difference between being open and accepting of the sexuality and the human body, and just being crass.

    I like a bit of T&A as much as the next guy, but I don’t feel it’s necessary to turn into a slobbering neanderthal when I do see some skin.

    Like

    1. Completely agreed. The worst are people who literally think that either a) they’re hot stuff, but only because they smoke/drink/party etc. and/or b) because they know how to say shit/$#@&/$#@%/____(insert curse word) here. To be honest, I should watch my language more myself.

      Like

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