In order to bartend where I live, I need to finish and successfully complete a course called Smart Serve.
With my vast and incomprehensible intelligence, I waded through the course like… well, like it was air. The course was so simple I needn’t have studied for the exam.
Either way, I finished the course, and I passed with a 96%. I can now serve booze. Or so you’d think!
See, the course was split into 3 modules: Module 1 was for the legal implications of serving a drink, module 2 was the biology lesson on how it affects people, and module 3 was how to keep an “enjoyable atmosphere”. This means that they taught me how not to serve a drink.
I’ll repeat that.
A course required by law for people to serve alcohol is a course designed to scare the loving crap out of you(i.e if you serve someone a drink, you can be held legally responsible for anything that asshole does) and then tell you how not to serve a drink; and no, there is no 4th module designed to tell you how to make any drinks.
Ergo, how not to serve a drink.
I am now the world’s most knowledgeable prohibitionist. Fear my wrath, for I am now bartending a wedding with 260 people armed with the knowledge on how not to serve them.
You want a drink? Here’s some milk, and you better like it.