You ever get one of those times where you want to make one decision, but don’t want to make it at the same time?
You see, I’m presented with a conundrum: I want to spend a year with Lorelai while working for my tuition next year. At the same time, my father is totally against the idea and is putting me to work so I can go to school while he pays.
I’m not one to turn down free tuition, but a part of me says I should. Why? Well, for one, I don’t want to be apart from Lorelai another year in a row. Long distance relationships are difficult, and this isn’t different. We love each other like crazy, but it’s not easy to handle that kind of distance.
Suffice to say, this year would be very difficult for me, and would be a heart-racking experience every time that Lorelai got hurt, was sad, happy… anything. I want to be there for those things, not on Skype.
What makes this very difficult is the fact that, by going to school this year, I would lose August with Lorelai. I would have to work away from her for not only the school year, but for the last month we’re supposed to have together.
This would be, to me, painful. Very painful.
Lastly, this would mean that I wouldn’t have the knowledge gained from having to work. I’ve slacked off this year when I couldn’t afford to, but I don’t want to have to pay for this using my relationship’s health.
However, the problem is this: it’s my dad who’s forcing me, I would only have to work a month, and bam I’d be back at school; and then I’d be back to heartburn central.
So I obviously want to stay and work; but should I? I think so. For one, I’d be happier, and that is what really matters to me. I’d be happy to stay home for one year, working at a factory 4 days a week for 12 hours a day, just so I could spend 3 days with Lorelai. So we could touch, and hold one another for even a brief moment. For a year, I would do this.
Beats the shit out of Skype, let me tell you.
I’m fine with delaying my school by a year. Any more than that and I would feel uncomfortable, so I would be back to school the following year for sure; but skipping a year… is that price worth my happiness?
Am I wrong?
I hope not, because I know what decision I want to make. I know that a lot of bad things will happen: my father will be pissed, that side of the family will disown me, and even my mom, who I am really close with, would be displeased to say the least.
I hope I’m not wrong, because I’m putting all of my heart in a box, and giving it to the one person I trust with it. And if I’m wrong…
I will be very…