Gary The Psychotic

Everyone, this is Gary the Psychotic, and he eats people.

Everyone, this is Gary the Psychotic, and he eats monsters for breakfast.

Allow me to explain Gary, my Psychotic little “pet” by loose definition.

By loose definition, I mean “animal that lives in my house”.

When I was little, I was very scared of the dark.  I had a fear of anything that could be hiding in the shadows, for fear that it might eat, maim, kill, destroy, or otherwise end me.

One night while I was reading next to my nightlight(I read way past my bed time and couldn’t afford to put on my actual light at night: my mother would get angry), I was startled to see a shadow crawling on the floor.  I sat in silent fear of this shadow, since it was obviously some monster that would grab me by my feet and stuff me under my bed in a broken heap to eat later.

I was imaginative, to say the least.

A few seconds later, out crawls this bizarre, and creepy, insect with a million little legs that I’d never seen before.  He was brown coloured, and his legs kept him about half an inch above the ground.

I was a little kid.  Do you have any idea how cool I thought this thing was?

It kinda sat there while I read the Hobbit, and when I was finished, I went to bed.  I fell asleep immediately, not just because of exhaustion but because I knew I was safe.  Something like that bug would scare the monsters away, especially since I thought it was cool(most things I found cool were scary to everyone else).

This same thing happened the next night, and the ones following that.  This bug was my little helper.

I called him Gary.

Obviously, there are a lot of these insects, but now every time I see one I call them Garies.  My girlfriend, who I will refer to on this blog as Lorelai, has now taken to calling them the same.  The difference is that she believes that Gary is a psychotic, murderous, rampaging insect that will destroy her in her sleep.

Different (arthro)Pods for different Bods, I guess.

I’ve had a Gary in every room I’ve lived in aside from my room in University.  It’s a comfort to know I’ve got a psychotic, murderous, rampaging insect on my side.



  1. Hey Phil! I used to know this guy Klinderas and he recommended that I come over here and give you a try. Glad I did!

    You have a “Gary?” I never had a Gary, but I used to have a Marvin. And you know what? Marvin looks a lot like Gary. Kinda scary no?

    And if you have a Gary in every room that has to be kinda weird. What if the Gary’ and Marvin’s decided to take over?? Then what? I’m getting kinda weirded out by this train of thought so it’s time to go hide under the covers.



  2. Yeah, I’d like to see more of this Klinderas guy, but alas, it doesn’t look like he’ll be showing up anymore around the Dalaran lunch table. I’ll miss you way too much, almost to the point of an obsession, and way past an appropriate level of longing, for sure.


    Craig will be very sad, to say the least.


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